[ no matter what John says, no matter how soft or comfortable this is, he's going to keep him at an arm's length. he doesn't know this guy. doesn't trust him. there's only one more thing left to say: ]
You don't understand. I miss her.
[ a confession. it's worse than lust and sex. any of the shit he thinks John has experience in. it's a pain that eats at him constantly. when Felipe finally pushes himself up, leaning on his elbow, and looks to John, he's visibly tired. lonely. a mess. ]
Can I [ he sounds unexpectedly docile. ] suck you off? [ looks to him like he's waiting for a permission. or a blessing. either way, give him something to do so he doesn't have to dwell on this any longer. ]
[ That hits like a punch to the gut, and John loses a little of his sadism because yeah, he knows that pain well, has been drowning it in sex and booze for longer than he's been here. Is fucking Felipe because it's a distraction from the ache that sets in if he has too much time to himself to think. ]
Yeah.
[ He's deflated a little, but he can see Felipe grasping for that same relief from thought. ]
[ Felipe nods in return. nothing he'd want more right now. he's gentle when he pulls out, takes his weight off of him and moves between his legs, his gaze averted the whole time like he couldn't bear making eye contact after the intimate moment they just shared.
some of the cards remain crushed under John, forgotten and meaningless. he ignores them. concentrates on John's cock instead. shuts his eyes as he carefully takes him in his mouth.
at first it's slow. just obediently working to stir him back up and then, once he's fully stiff again, Felipe forces himself to take in more, deeper, little by little. does it until he feels like he's going to choke and his throat stings. the saddest little blowjob. ]
Well, it is when you have meat magic. John makes a show of it, groaning and running his hands through Felipe's hair, begging for fingers in his ass to replace how empty he feels without his dick, moaning his name.
(When Felipe is throating his cock John's hand in his hair turns into a fist and he pulls him down just a little more to choke him, a deeply petty vengeance.)
Then once his dick is straining again he just flicks his own switches, so to speak, encourages minor vascular processes to begin major brain chemistry explosions and topples over the edge, filling Felipe's mouth with salty spurts as he shakes and whines. Wow! Gold star! ]
[ it makes him feel a little bit better. at least he's still got it!
Felipe winces through the hair pulling and the choking, bears with it because it distracts him from what he just confessed, how he revealed the deepest parts of himself to this guy. practically played himself like some idiot.
there's some struggling when it comes to swallowing it down, but he manages. does a good job of cleaning him up too. all this while still not looking up at him. when they're finished, or more like through with it, he leans away, mechanically wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.
the wilk burning in his system is urging him to cuddle, to keep John warm and to ask him to stay, but he can't bring himself to do that, so he just sits back. brushes some hair off his face.
[ John sits up. Peels a sweaty playing card or two from his skin, takes a moment to try and push them all back into a semblance of a pile.
He, at least, has plenty of experience at this bit, and absolutely never intended to stay. He kneewalks closer for a kiss first, tasting himself a little but otherwise fairly chaste. ]
That was fun, mate. I'll see you around.
[ Don't call me, I'll call you. This close he's aware of the pheromones too, but he's not letting himself fall back into that mindset, so he just gets off the bed and pulls on his trousers, picks up his shirt from somewhere, and goes to walk-of-shame back to his own bed. ]
[ it feels bad to let him leave, it's like tearing off a part of himself, and Felipe briefly considers shouting after him – even turns to watch him go. it's like he's failed at something which has nothing to do with the secret. deep inside he knows it's not safe out there, outside of this room. John shouldn't go.
but John's as fast as last time and quickly out of the door. then it becomes easier to bear and he can breathe again.
Felipe looks at the messy pile of cards, slowly gathers them into a deck and starts playing solitaire. ]
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no subject
You don't understand. I miss her.
[ a confession. it's worse than lust and sex. any of the shit he thinks John has experience in. it's a pain that eats at him constantly. when Felipe finally pushes himself up, leaning on his elbow, and looks to John, he's visibly tired. lonely. a mess. ]
Can I [ he sounds unexpectedly docile. ] suck you off? [ looks to him like he's waiting for a permission. or a blessing. either way, give him something to do so he doesn't have to dwell on this any longer. ]
no subject
Yeah.
[ He's deflated a little, but he can see Felipe grasping for that same relief from thought. ]
If that's what you want, 'course.
no subject
some of the cards remain crushed under John, forgotten and meaningless. he ignores them. concentrates on John's cock instead. shuts his eyes as he carefully takes him in his mouth.
at first it's slow. just obediently working to stir him back up and then, once he's fully stiff again, Felipe forces himself to take in more, deeper, little by little. does it until he feels like he's going to choke and his throat stings. the saddest little blowjob. ]
no subject
Well, it is when you have meat magic. John makes a show of it, groaning and running his hands through Felipe's hair, begging for fingers in his ass to replace how empty he feels without his dick, moaning his name.
(When Felipe is throating his cock John's hand in his hair turns into a fist and he pulls him down just a little more to choke him, a deeply petty vengeance.)
Then once his dick is straining again he just flicks his own switches, so to speak, encourages minor vascular processes to begin major brain chemistry explosions and topples over the edge, filling Felipe's mouth with salty spurts as he shakes and whines. Wow! Gold star! ]
no subject
Felipe winces through the hair pulling and the choking, bears with it because it distracts him from what he just confessed, how he revealed the deepest parts of himself to this guy. practically played himself like some idiot.
there's some struggling when it comes to swallowing it down, but he manages. does a good job of cleaning him up too. all this while still not looking up at him. when they're finished, or more like through with it, he leans away, mechanically wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.
the wilk burning in his system is urging him to cuddle, to keep John warm and to ask him to stay, but he can't bring himself to do that, so he just sits back. brushes some hair off his face.
lets the awkward silence fill the room. ]
no subject
He, at least, has plenty of experience at this bit, and absolutely never intended to stay. He kneewalks closer for a kiss first, tasting himself a little but otherwise fairly chaste. ]
That was fun, mate. I'll see you around.
[ Don't call me, I'll call you. This close he's aware of the pheromones too, but he's not letting himself fall back into that mindset, so he just gets off the bed and pulls on his trousers, picks up his shirt from somewhere, and goes to walk-of-shame back to his own bed. ]
no subject
but John's as fast as last time and quickly out of the door. then it becomes easier to bear and he can breathe again.
Felipe looks at the messy pile of cards, slowly gathers them into a deck and starts playing solitaire. ]