[ but he doesn't really want this either. only needs it. needs to finish and then to forget about it. he's so close and John's driving him mad, riding him like he was having the best time of his life.
Felipe grabs that arm, twists it so that he can pin it over John's head when he suddenly pushes him down on his back, over the scattered cards, flips their positions so that he's the one with more room to move, with more control. John's just some body to take his frustration out on. even though he's worn out, panting and his leg is about to start cramping, he fucks him with rough strokes, with only one purpose on mind. catches John's cock with his other hand and squeezes. ]
[ John goes, falls backwards and curls his legs around Felipe's waist, keeping him just as trapped as the hand pinning his arm to the bed. His eyes are avid on the other man's face, drinking in the other man's complicated expression, the way losing seems to have pulled away a pleasant mask and revealed something raw. ]
Fuck yeah.
[ This is probably the most genuinely interesting he's ever found Felipe, and it has a real confessional vibe to boot - of course he wants to hear. ]
Tell me your worst fantasies. Tell me what gets your dick hard when you're all by yourself, what you're thinking about when you're coming in your own hand.
[ the only way to do this is through a haze. if they had been playing at the pub, he wouldn't have lost. and if he had, he would have found a way out. he's too distracted now, too tangled up in his own game to have secured an escape plan.
he looks too serious, too pained, like he wasn't enjoying this at all even if some part of him is secretly getting the kick of a lifetime. his hips jerk and he stares down at him, deep into the black holes of John's eyes like he didn't even recognize the man, his own eyes dark and wide, sweat dripping on his brow. ]
Sometimes –
[ this won't be elaborate. it's his darkness, the fucking core of his pitiful existence. nothing compared to the big scheme of things, of course, but damn terrible for him, personally. simple. the ticket to damnation with his name on it. ]
My sister's tight virgin cunt –
[ there's more, but he can't even finish the sentence when he already comes. the truth spills out of him violently and he shudders. he shuts his eyes and collapses down against John, thrusting into him with whatever strength he has left. ]
[ John holds him mating deep, free hand gripping the back of Felipe's sweaty neck, taking his secret and his cum with equal pleasure. He's right on the brink himself, but holding off only to try and keep his head a little longer, keep this moment a little longer, with everything spilling out of this pathetic little mortal.
He thinks if he laughs now, or even makes some callous remark about how hot that is, the situation might turn ugly, so he just kisses Felipe's temple with paternalistic forgiveness and palms down his spine, rubs a circle in the small of his back to guide him to stillness, clutched deep within John's body. ]
I slept with a pair of brothers once.
[ A little breathless, but casual, even though this is a memory that stings him for personal reasons. ]
I was just a — conduit, for something they wanted from each other.
[ it's safe here. and warm deep inside him. Felipe can feel himself start to relax even though his heart is still pounding hard and he's probably made a proper fool out of himself. he finally lets go of John's hand, buries his fingers into the mattress instead, rides out the last waves of this nightmare until he's spent and empty. buries his face into John's neck. doesn't pull out because it just feels right to stay in him as long as he can. ]
No. [ it's close to a whimper. he doesn't want to hear the story. what he's going through – it can't be compared with anything else. ]
[ Immediate, willing to concede further comparative discussion. Combs a hand through Felipe's hair. ]
But I don't think wanting that makes you a bad person.
[ He's aware shame isn't a rational thing, but wants to make that clear. Honestly, he had his lovers calling each other 'brother' and 'sister' back home so he's kind of into the idea — and is very into Felipe all lost and humiliated like this. ]
[ no matter what John says, no matter how soft or comfortable this is, he's going to keep him at an arm's length. he doesn't know this guy. doesn't trust him. there's only one more thing left to say: ]
You don't understand. I miss her.
[ a confession. it's worse than lust and sex. any of the shit he thinks John has experience in. it's a pain that eats at him constantly. when Felipe finally pushes himself up, leaning on his elbow, and looks to John, he's visibly tired. lonely. a mess. ]
Can I [ he sounds unexpectedly docile. ] suck you off? [ looks to him like he's waiting for a permission. or a blessing. either way, give him something to do so he doesn't have to dwell on this any longer. ]
[ That hits like a punch to the gut, and John loses a little of his sadism because yeah, he knows that pain well, has been drowning it in sex and booze for longer than he's been here. Is fucking Felipe because it's a distraction from the ache that sets in if he has too much time to himself to think. ]
Yeah.
[ He's deflated a little, but he can see Felipe grasping for that same relief from thought. ]
[ Felipe nods in return. nothing he'd want more right now. he's gentle when he pulls out, takes his weight off of him and moves between his legs, his gaze averted the whole time like he couldn't bear making eye contact after the intimate moment they just shared.
some of the cards remain crushed under John, forgotten and meaningless. he ignores them. concentrates on John's cock instead. shuts his eyes as he carefully takes him in his mouth.
at first it's slow. just obediently working to stir him back up and then, once he's fully stiff again, Felipe forces himself to take in more, deeper, little by little. does it until he feels like he's going to choke and his throat stings. the saddest little blowjob. ]
Well, it is when you have meat magic. John makes a show of it, groaning and running his hands through Felipe's hair, begging for fingers in his ass to replace how empty he feels without his dick, moaning his name.
(When Felipe is throating his cock John's hand in his hair turns into a fist and he pulls him down just a little more to choke him, a deeply petty vengeance.)
Then once his dick is straining again he just flicks his own switches, so to speak, encourages minor vascular processes to begin major brain chemistry explosions and topples over the edge, filling Felipe's mouth with salty spurts as he shakes and whines. Wow! Gold star! ]
[ it makes him feel a little bit better. at least he's still got it!
Felipe winces through the hair pulling and the choking, bears with it because it distracts him from what he just confessed, how he revealed the deepest parts of himself to this guy. practically played himself like some idiot.
there's some struggling when it comes to swallowing it down, but he manages. does a good job of cleaning him up too. all this while still not looking up at him. when they're finished, or more like through with it, he leans away, mechanically wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.
the wilk burning in his system is urging him to cuddle, to keep John warm and to ask him to stay, but he can't bring himself to do that, so he just sits back. brushes some hair off his face.
[ John sits up. Peels a sweaty playing card or two from his skin, takes a moment to try and push them all back into a semblance of a pile.
He, at least, has plenty of experience at this bit, and absolutely never intended to stay. He kneewalks closer for a kiss first, tasting himself a little but otherwise fairly chaste. ]
That was fun, mate. I'll see you around.
[ Don't call me, I'll call you. This close he's aware of the pheromones too, but he's not letting himself fall back into that mindset, so he just gets off the bed and pulls on his trousers, picks up his shirt from somewhere, and goes to walk-of-shame back to his own bed. ]
[ it feels bad to let him leave, it's like tearing off a part of himself, and Felipe briefly considers shouting after him – even turns to watch him go. it's like he's failed at something which has nothing to do with the secret. deep inside he knows it's not safe out there, outside of this room. John shouldn't go.
but John's as fast as last time and quickly out of the door. then it becomes easier to bear and he can breathe again.
Felipe looks at the messy pile of cards, slowly gathers them into a deck and starts playing solitaire. ]
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no subject
[ but he doesn't really want this either. only needs it. needs to finish and then to forget about it. he's so close and John's driving him mad, riding him like he was having the best time of his life.
Felipe grabs that arm, twists it so that he can pin it over John's head when he suddenly pushes him down on his back, over the scattered cards, flips their positions so that he's the one with more room to move, with more control. John's just some body to take his frustration out on. even though he's worn out, panting and his leg is about to start cramping, he fucks him with rough strokes, with only one purpose on mind. catches John's cock with his other hand and squeezes. ]
You – want to hear it?
no subject
Fuck yeah.
[ This is probably the most genuinely interesting he's ever found Felipe, and it has a real confessional vibe to boot - of course he wants to hear. ]
Tell me your worst fantasies. Tell me what gets your dick hard when you're all by yourself, what you're thinking about when you're coming in your own hand.
no subject
he looks too serious, too pained, like he wasn't enjoying this at all even if some part of him is secretly getting the kick of a lifetime. his hips jerk and he stares down at him, deep into the black holes of John's eyes like he didn't even recognize the man, his own eyes dark and wide, sweat dripping on his brow. ]
Sometimes –
[ this won't be elaborate. it's his darkness, the fucking core of his pitiful existence. nothing compared to the big scheme of things, of course, but damn terrible for him, personally. simple. the ticket to damnation with his name on it. ]
My sister's tight virgin cunt –
[ there's more, but he can't even finish the sentence when he already comes. the truth spills out of him violently and he shudders. he shuts his eyes and collapses down against John, thrusting into him with whatever strength he has left. ]
no subject
He thinks if he laughs now, or even makes some callous remark about how hot that is, the situation might turn ugly, so he just kisses Felipe's temple with paternalistic forgiveness and palms down his spine, rubs a circle in the small of his back to guide him to stillness, clutched deep within John's body. ]
I slept with a pair of brothers once.
[ A little breathless, but casual, even though this is a memory that stings him for personal reasons. ]
I was just a — conduit, for something they wanted from each other.
[ Hadn't he promised no judgement? ]
no subject
No. [ it's close to a whimper. he doesn't want to hear the story. what he's going through – it can't be compared with anything else. ]
no subject
[ Immediate, willing to concede further comparative discussion. Combs a hand through Felipe's hair. ]
But I don't think wanting that makes you a bad person.
[ He's aware shame isn't a rational thing, but wants to make that clear. Honestly, he had his lovers calling each other 'brother' and 'sister' back home so he's kind of into the idea — and is very into Felipe all lost and humiliated like this. ]
no subject
You don't understand. I miss her.
[ a confession. it's worse than lust and sex. any of the shit he thinks John has experience in. it's a pain that eats at him constantly. when Felipe finally pushes himself up, leaning on his elbow, and looks to John, he's visibly tired. lonely. a mess. ]
Can I [ he sounds unexpectedly docile. ] suck you off? [ looks to him like he's waiting for a permission. or a blessing. either way, give him something to do so he doesn't have to dwell on this any longer. ]
no subject
Yeah.
[ He's deflated a little, but he can see Felipe grasping for that same relief from thought. ]
If that's what you want, 'course.
no subject
some of the cards remain crushed under John, forgotten and meaningless. he ignores them. concentrates on John's cock instead. shuts his eyes as he carefully takes him in his mouth.
at first it's slow. just obediently working to stir him back up and then, once he's fully stiff again, Felipe forces himself to take in more, deeper, little by little. does it until he feels like he's going to choke and his throat stings. the saddest little blowjob. ]
no subject
Well, it is when you have meat magic. John makes a show of it, groaning and running his hands through Felipe's hair, begging for fingers in his ass to replace how empty he feels without his dick, moaning his name.
(When Felipe is throating his cock John's hand in his hair turns into a fist and he pulls him down just a little more to choke him, a deeply petty vengeance.)
Then once his dick is straining again he just flicks his own switches, so to speak, encourages minor vascular processes to begin major brain chemistry explosions and topples over the edge, filling Felipe's mouth with salty spurts as he shakes and whines. Wow! Gold star! ]
no subject
Felipe winces through the hair pulling and the choking, bears with it because it distracts him from what he just confessed, how he revealed the deepest parts of himself to this guy. practically played himself like some idiot.
there's some struggling when it comes to swallowing it down, but he manages. does a good job of cleaning him up too. all this while still not looking up at him. when they're finished, or more like through with it, he leans away, mechanically wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.
the wilk burning in his system is urging him to cuddle, to keep John warm and to ask him to stay, but he can't bring himself to do that, so he just sits back. brushes some hair off his face.
lets the awkward silence fill the room. ]
no subject
He, at least, has plenty of experience at this bit, and absolutely never intended to stay. He kneewalks closer for a kiss first, tasting himself a little but otherwise fairly chaste. ]
That was fun, mate. I'll see you around.
[ Don't call me, I'll call you. This close he's aware of the pheromones too, but he's not letting himself fall back into that mindset, so he just gets off the bed and pulls on his trousers, picks up his shirt from somewhere, and goes to walk-of-shame back to his own bed. ]
no subject
but John's as fast as last time and quickly out of the door. then it becomes easier to bear and he can breathe again.
Felipe looks at the messy pile of cards, slowly gathers them into a deck and starts playing solitaire. ]